Many of you know that I under went back surgery about 2 weeks ago. The whole five days I was in the hospital, I was really worried about my Milk supply, as I was Breast Feeding Karson. I have been so happy this time around to experience what it was like to Breast Feed, I nursed kaid, but only for a short short time. When I was in the hospital, I pumped, and made sure my supply was not going away. As I came home, that was a different story. Karson was now getting more use to the bottle, I still was not going to give up, I would feed him a lot more frequent, so he would go right back. This went on for about a week, until my supply was gone. I pumped and pumped, not to mention I was drinking about a gallon of water a day. I found myself really really sad, This is not what I wanted, I was planing on BF, him up to a year. I was kind of beating myself up about it, wondering why, and how unfair it was. Then I started thinking, How grateful I am that, I was able to Feed him for the more important stages, being a newborn, and going almost 7 months. Karson, still wants to be comforted by me, and will want to still feed, It's not 100% gone, but sadly not enough for him to feel full. I am hoping that this feeling will pass quickly, I am really Trying not to be AND feel sad. I would just love for the next day to come, and wake up with everything back. We have had formula in the Pantry, from the various Formula brands that were sent in the mail, Via New mom packet.. This was FOR SURE our Last last resort, and sadly we opened this last resort 2 days ago. So As I just put karson down for his afternoon nap, I Routinely began to BF him, and he wanted it, 15min later, still not full. Well.. I am sure that I am not the only mom out there that has felt this way. I however, did not want to be a mom giving her child a bottle. Yes, people would not know just how much I want to feed him, and how I truly do not care really what people think.. I am just having one of those days..
Not to mention, we are in the hottest Apartment. I am sitting here with sweat dripping of my forehead, it was 85Degrees yesterday, and I believe that heat stayed in the apartment. I just need to relax, but as I was thinking about posting a new post, I was really needing to write about this, and get it all out.. Vent if you will. And surprisingly I feel some how a little better.. Until I have to put that Stupid Formula in the Bottle and feed karson that way....I am greatful he's sooo happy, and is not upset about not being BF.
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I used to be a (volunteer) breast feeding advocate and consultant. When Ricki (she has DS and is now 14), I SO much wanted to BF her, but due to her heart condition, she did not have the strength to suck. Then I started experessing, but it quickly became apparent that in order to express I would have to give this project HOURS of work each day (I find it very hard to express....). As a mother of a large family I just did not have that time, coupled with the huge amount of time it took to give Ricki a bottle (of expressed milk). I reluctanly gave up BF. (Which I think is why it took me longer than usual to "bond" with Ricki.
I was adament though that I would NEVER give her a bottle when in the park. Bystanders would never know HOW MUCH I had wanted the BF...
So I can really relate to your post. Another test in life.....
Hi Andrea,
Oh, it is so hard to let the BF transition off... I have three children (youngest w/ds) and I bf them all. However, what you are experiencing is completely normal. Somewhere around the 5 month mark all my kids were no longer satiated by just my milk. I had to supplement with formula. However, we still bf at night, naptime, and in the morning, more as a lovey time, rather than a mealtime. That keeps up until they grow out of it...
To kick up your supply you could try drinking lots of water and pumping every four hours or so for a few days. Then let Karson stay on through a few naps (if you can get teh free time to lie down with him for a nap!) He will continue to "nurse" in his sleep and this will help to boost your suppply.
Anyway, what you wrote really hit home because my youngest (and last) is only 11 mo and she is starting to let go of bf, and I am so not ready.
I'm so sorry Andrea that it never came back. You did great though and got him this far! Just remember that the most important thing is for him to be fed and healthy which he is.
Call me if you would like to cry about it though. It's a completely normal feeling.
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