When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." ~Erma Bombeck
I am really not sure why I have to be pushed for so long, at such maxed out levels. I do have faith that I am needing to learn, grow from these experiences. I am really at the end of the rope with feeling like a complete failure with our sweet, yet extremely challenging kaid. With that out in the universe now, our life is also dedicated to a wonderful, lovable 3 year old as well that wants just as much of our attention then his older brother.
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can. ~Danny Kaye
I have been wanting to write a post for a long time, however I have been without words as to how this will come across. This is me, this is how I feel and I need to just explode!!
| Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity- Martin Luther King |
I would love LOVE to wake up with peace and calmness, just once..
I would love to not be kicked,punched,and slapped..by my 8year old everyday.
I would love to understand what my child wants/needs
I would love to not see my 3 year old scream in fear of his brother
I would love to not have to hide in my room with karson, in fear of getting hit from kaid.
I would love for people to not stare at me when I have to go to the store, and kaid is uncontrollable.
I would love for others to remember some kids do not fit in the "cookie cutter mold"
I would love for kaid to wake up and be happy 24/7
I would love for people to educate themselves with what disabilities are. they have ABILITIES!
I would love for people to not be so ignorant.
I would love for kaid to feel calm
I would love peace
I would love for all his challenges to go away
I wish he would have friends to play with
I wish people would want to play with him
I wish other would know just a sliver of what I deal with DAILY
I hope I might always listen to the promptings to guide my children
I hope this passes soon.
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5 love notes:
You are such a strong person!! You probably don't feel like it since you have so much to deal with and it wears you down, but you are definitely STRONG. I'm so sorry that so much of the situation is so very difficult and sad and hard. I wish I could offer you some hope or peace, but the thing that sticks out to me is that you may FEEL like a failure, but you LOOK like a huge success to me. Other people who don't understand Kaid are just clueless, but they're probably hard to ignore. But the way I see it, the fact that you WERE given this and that you know Kaid so well are two reasons you should be patting yourself on the back. "Success" looks different in different situations, and sometimes it can even LOOK like failure when it's absolutely not. You truly are amazing!
Hugs Andrea, love ya! lets get together soon!
Thank you Jenn, YOu are So awesome for lifting me up.. I have never posted such a sad post.. but it's been hard latley.
Kari, lets for sure!! Thank you..We do need to get together.. Maybe a girlfriends christmas dinner.. I am sure you guys might have one, send me an invite and I would Love to make it.. I need some..:)
Just know that you are doing the BEST you can. Even on days when it feels like you aren't, YOU ARE!! And you know what, don't even worry about the people that look at you in disapproval. They have no idea and need to be educated. You are an awesome mom Andrea and you will be extremely blessed.
I think of you often. I really don't know how you do it. You do it because you are his mother and you love him. I know that. It's just not as easy as it sounds. You are incredible. Heavenly Father knew that and that's why he wanted Kaid to be with you. He knew he'd be safe in your arms. Not an easy task though. I know the blessings will flow from all the trials though. Be strong my friend and when you have next to nothing left get on your knees and pray some more. God is there for you. He KNOWS how you feel. He does. I know it. Then call me up and we'll go out so you can recharge and vent!
It's tough! I remember teaching and saying I don't know how the parents do it everyday all day. I was so exhausted when I would get home and get the evening to recharge and vacation breaks. Parents don't get that except for when their child is in school. Hug my friend!
Have you looked into Camp Kiwanis for the summer? I know I had a 9 year-old when I worked there one summer. Fun for him and a week break for your family and some much needed attention time for Karson.
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