D Day..

As I was looking for a new picture to change my header, This Yummo drink was screaming out to me. What a fun time we had in the Bahama's, you totally can not go wrong with Virgin Strawberry daiquiris! Day 1 today.. or.. who the crap knows if I am suppose to be counting this. It is what it is.. I know that what is happening is really great, but really sad as well.. I am a ball of emotions..

Keep moving forward.... I have 2 upcoming interviews, this is what is AWESOME!! You truly can never change what you do not admit, today I have admitted so SO much to myself, and was shown a little sweet lesson. I love what sweet comfort my savior brings me, knowing how tough things are, I am NEVER alone. Music has always been very instrumental in my life, now more than ever I find a peace each musical note brings me. Tonight skimming the hymn book, I flipped right to, BE STILL MY SOUL, as the tears rolled down my cheeks, I felt the warmest feeling, as though I was wrapped with a thousand warm blankets, I know he lives and loves me to the end.

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;

With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend

Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as he has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Nine

As I sit here tonight, I am fully of emotions. I have been writing in my journals, for years however this new world of online technology is easier lately..

#1- 9 years ago today I married my best friend. Blue it's been a ride.. that's for sure :)

#2. Kent, is on the Mend.. it's just...

And this is where I have been... for a week, Kent is on the Mend.. it's just I am not sure how

to deal with the "news" his Dr's. told him. In his operation, they removed 2.5 feet of his intestine, and part of his colon, after removing a large fist-size mass in his intestine. I remember when his surgeon came out and talked to me, he kept saying he was not expecting to find what he found. At the time, I was in a daze, just excited the surgery went smoothly, Way longer though then it was originally told, ( 3.5 hrs.) I remember when I asked what he found, e just said they are sending the mass off for a biopsy. Two weeks later in Kent's follow up apt, the Lovely C word.. Cancer. His Doctor told him, that they are extremely confidant they removed the cancer, not having to have treatments, or even a follow up. How can this be??

What is going though my mind, is I am just so grateful this was caught early, though what if some of the cancer spread some other place?

I am the TOTALLY worry wort now.. Kent said, after his countless MRI's, and CT scans'/blood work, they did not find anymore. Kent has been really tired lately, and still not able to do much ( to be expected..) It's just, I just do not know how to deal with all this... with the news's that what they removed was cancer, I think about " what if" What if, he never went in.. and just kept ignoring his symptoms. What if, it has spread and just not found it..

OK, you get what I am saying. I have truly never been here, but then again.. lately my life and they experience we have gone though have been intense. I truly know and believe this is preparing me,us for greater things to come. By staying optimistic, positive and up beat this is what helps my BOYS, all of them. I PRAY with everything I have, that can. When I am not able to be the positive upbeat mom, I go to the gym..( So often lately..)

Still no luck with landing a job. I am praying like no tomorrow, and have faith that I will it's just a matter of time, stressful here for that reason.

Then, I start to feel sad that I am leaving karson with daycare while I go to work classes, ( prep to find job.) Can you tell I am all over the place. Yesterday when I was dropping karson off at the babysitter, he looks at me.." mommy, me go, work" I about died.. My heart was just breaking.. I cried the whole way to the employment center.

I keep telling myself, heavenly father does not give us more then we can handle.. it's just I am having a bit of a question with this. I am not going to even say just how far I'm pushed, as I wish for no more, These lesson's that I have learned, I Totally HAVE, CHECK, CHECK.. I really want the EASY street.. Please..

Again.. Zero pictures.. Sorry.. I am just Lame about taking pictures, taking my kids to the park, making crafty games or activities for them.. oh.. I am just not having a Awesome mom blog anymore..... ( That's about all the Debbie Downer I will give ya.. ) ah.. that felt good..