To infinity and Beyond..

Seriously.. this title is what I would LOVE to just do right about now go to infinity and BEYOND>> Lovley Buz.. is the Latestest BUZZ in our house.. EVERYTHING is Buzz this, Buzz that..lol. Nah, I just would love to rest.. ( In time Iam sure that will come.) I had an amazing interview today, and for the first time I really think it went Awesome! I am trying to not get too excited, as so many have been disappointments. What I know, is I am Perfect for this job, I would be a Great asset to this amazing company... I KNOW who I am. All these "little" phrases you would really not catch me saying sometime ago, I just did not have the confidence. Feb 17th, is when the Hiring panel said they would be letting everyone know about employment.. I am praying with everything I have!

I had a little " mini" surgery on my scalp yesterday, of which I realized I could not wash my hair.. for the big day today.. I was so worried about looking like a hot mess with the crusty iodine & blood mixture.( ok.. i cleaned it up.. it's not that bad...) I just feel like this is ONE break that I REALLY.. REALLY>>> need.. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would Love.

L--- O--V---E-- the break of S LEEP, or SHOWERING alone w/out screaming kids in the bathroom, or Dinner that is not just standing and shoveling it in..ok... that's all the complaints today..

Here is to what's to come, what is left to discover, and what I still need to learn..

Ps... Kent Is doing Better.. It's hard not seeing him for so long, and not getting him home for such a long long time.. But this is going to be WORTH it.. I just know it.. Positive in.. Negative Out..

Looking forward to my Hike on Friday.. Please No Rain....

D Day..

As I was looking for a new picture to change my header, This Yummo drink was screaming out to me. What a fun time we had in the Bahama's, you totally can not go wrong with Virgin Strawberry daiquiris! Day 1 today.. or.. who the crap knows if I am suppose to be counting this. It is what it is.. I know that what is happening is really great, but really sad as well.. I am a ball of emotions..

Keep moving forward.... I have 2 upcoming interviews, this is what is AWESOME!! You truly can never change what you do not admit, today I have admitted so SO much to myself, and was shown a little sweet lesson. I love what sweet comfort my savior brings me, knowing how tough things are, I am NEVER alone. Music has always been very instrumental in my life, now more than ever I find a peace each musical note brings me. Tonight skimming the hymn book, I flipped right to, BE STILL MY SOUL, as the tears rolled down my cheeks, I felt the warmest feeling, as though I was wrapped with a thousand warm blankets, I know he lives and loves me to the end.

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;

With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend

Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as he has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Nine

As I sit here tonight, I am fully of emotions. I have been writing in my journals, for years however this new world of online technology is easier lately..

#1- 9 years ago today I married my best friend. Blue it's been a ride.. that's for sure :)

#2. Kent, is on the Mend.. it's just...

And this is where I have been... for a week, Kent is on the Mend.. it's just I am not sure how

to deal with the "news" his Dr's. told him. In his operation, they removed 2.5 feet of his intestine, and part of his colon, after removing a large fist-size mass in his intestine. I remember when his surgeon came out and talked to me, he kept saying he was not expecting to find what he found. At the time, I was in a daze, just excited the surgery went smoothly, Way longer though then it was originally told, ( 3.5 hrs.) I remember when I asked what he found, e just said they are sending the mass off for a biopsy. Two weeks later in Kent's follow up apt, the Lovely C word.. Cancer. His Doctor told him, that they are extremely confidant they removed the cancer, not having to have treatments, or even a follow up. How can this be??

What is going though my mind, is I am just so grateful this was caught early, though what if some of the cancer spread some other place?

I am the TOTALLY worry wort now.. Kent said, after his countless MRI's, and CT scans'/blood work, they did not find anymore. Kent has been really tired lately, and still not able to do much ( to be expected..) It's just, I just do not know how to deal with all this... with the news's that what they removed was cancer, I think about " what if" What if, he never went in.. and just kept ignoring his symptoms. What if, it has spread and just not found it..

OK, you get what I am saying. I have truly never been here, but then again.. lately my life and they experience we have gone though have been intense. I truly know and believe this is preparing me,us for greater things to come. By staying optimistic, positive and up beat this is what helps my BOYS, all of them. I PRAY with everything I have, that can. When I am not able to be the positive upbeat mom, I go to the gym..( So often lately..)

Still no luck with landing a job. I am praying like no tomorrow, and have faith that I will it's just a matter of time, stressful here for that reason.

Then, I start to feel sad that I am leaving karson with daycare while I go to work classes, ( prep to find job.) Can you tell I am all over the place. Yesterday when I was dropping karson off at the babysitter, he looks at me.." mommy, me go, work" I about died.. My heart was just breaking.. I cried the whole way to the employment center.

I keep telling myself, heavenly father does not give us more then we can handle.. it's just I am having a bit of a question with this. I am not going to even say just how far I'm pushed, as I wish for no more, These lesson's that I have learned, I Totally HAVE, CHECK, CHECK.. I really want the EASY street.. Please..

Again.. Zero pictures.. Sorry.. I am just Lame about taking pictures, taking my kids to the park, making crafty games or activities for them.. oh.. I am just not having a Awesome mom blog anymore..... ( That's about all the Debbie Downer I will give ya.. ) ah.. that felt good..